Parents as Bullies, Part I

The day before Thanksgiving I had a parent come into my classroom and put my students and me in danger. In fact, according to Arizona state Law, she committed a crime. My students knew something bad was happening and I had seconds, literally, to decide how to react. Most of the kids scattered out of her way knowing the mom has, and will continue to harass anyone who she believes has not complied with her endless demands of entitlement for her challenged child, the poor kid. I chose to not react, thinking that remaining calm would send a message to the students and defuse the parent's furious anger. The mother left, triumphant. SHE had shown me. I acted like nothing happened.


The children in my class are, in fact, very good and kind to this boy and are actually protective of him. They include him in play, even though it is like having a demanding five-year-old involved. This boy really does not know better, but has shown enormous improvement academically and socially. This is the best group of students I have ever had and the only problem I have had was one with this challenged boy. Actually, the problem was with another teacher but I was left holding the “discipline bag”, so to speak. That was where the problems started with mom.



In mainstreaming this boy, his IEP (Individual Educational Plan which is a federal mandate for all special education students) states that if the child breaks school rules the consequences will be the same as other children, that is, detention. Mom disagreed to the point of verbally attacking me and, her usual threat, of calling her lawyer. Deciding that this was not worth the fight I said we would handle it the way she wanted. Her decision? To have him go to detention, which he never actually served. This was where the abuse towards me started.


To make a long story short, an endless stream of demands that were far outside his IEP began, and abusive and accusatory emails began, including things she made up. I was told that nothing really could be done, and to please put up with these things. I agreed as I thought it best for the child. Things escalated until the day before Thanksgiving.



I will spare you the details of the incident, but because no one ended up being physically injured the reaction was, “How can it be abuse if no one was physically harmed?” According to state law the INTENT was there which makes it a crime and since it took place in a classroom, a felony.



This past week there was an episode of Dr. Phil where parents told stories of teachers bullying students. I know that things like that happen. We all do, and it must stop. Interestingly, I was only able to Google two articles that addressed parents bullying teachers. (I guess this will be the third.) Where this woman crossed the line was the danger that she put my students in. I can't even imagine HER reaction had another parent behaved as she did.



In talking with others about this, almost all the teachers I know have been bullied by parents. My sister, who teaches in an expensive private school, says that bullying parents are not that unusual (parents who put teachers and students in physical danger are something that has not happened at her school. Her school seems to believe that isn't abuse, either.) Most teachers tell me that they comply with the demands of bullying parents. I have had only one other parent in 31 years who was a bully (he owned a collection agency so I chalked that up to the normal way he talked with everyone.)



Here is my question to my readers (not to you who DO know the details), what do you think of this? How would you react as a teacher? As a parent? What should be the consequences? I surely do not want to advocate a victim mentality here, but I have a feeling that what took place in my classroom, that is, endangering and reckless behavior, is not that unusual.



What do you think? Please let me know.