I'M READY - GET OUT OF MY WAY!

This past October I spent my fall break in an absolute frenzy of pitching and tossing at my folks house. It was not as bad as the Collyer brothers, two legendary pack rats, but it was getting close. My mom and step-dad only had about 20 years to fill up their house, so they were decades behind the Collyer siblings. Mom, prone to compulsive shopping, married a man who she knew to be a chronic collector. Not a good combination.

Don Aslett was the first to write about de-cluttering and his advice was simple; throw practically everything out, and don't buy anything you don't need. Brilliant? Yes. Easy to do? No. It is easy to do that with other people's stuff, like my mom's and step-dad. After that weekend I was ready to toss and that was where the problem started. I knew I could not do that to my own kids.

In de-cluttering one has to have a plan so that things go back to a logical place in order to retrieve things easily. (The rule of thumb is being able to locate something in under five minutes ... some even say a minute. Yikes!) Place number one to clean was the large hall storage area. Place number two the large walk-in pantry. The third place is the garage and the last, the two-story barn. Admittedly, half the garage and half the barn was old school stuff of mine. I came to the realization that even in these hard economic times most everything was useless. When my dear departed mother-in-law was moving out of her Arizona home, and was (we did not know it at the time but the signs were there) in the early stages of Alzheimer's, could not bear to throw anything out. She would give those things to me to carry to places such as the Goodwill and the old ladies at church. I did not have the time or energy to deliver an old bag of disgusting old shoes or tiny scraps of project materials, for example, to anyone so I threw them out. I did not tell that to my mother-in-law, however.

The next step, and I would think this would be obvious; one has to remove the stuff from whatever place is to be cleaned and go through it. THIS INVOLVES SPREADING IT OUT. The de-cluttering shows on TV do that as standard operating procedure, and I think that for MDH (my dear husband) he probably understood that on some deep level, but his memory is long and my reputation is bad on this account. I would spread it out. That's it. I would get it out and become totally paralyzed, leaving the back porch and an unused bedroom in chaos for years. Yes, years. So when MDH saw stuff from the hall closet spread out in the foyer (and believe me the contents of that hall closet were almost all his famous cleaning up method: putting it in a box and shoving it in a closet. When he saw the contents of the closet spread out he wanted to know (what he felt was a reasonable question) when it would be put away? He even offered to help. (Translate that!) To put it mildly he touched a very raw nerve; a root-canal-ish raw, tender nerve. I did what any reasonable, level-headed person would do; I blew a gasket.

We are on speaking terms again, but I now know that I must find another way to do this cleaning and that is the Neil Armstrong method of one small step for man (or woman) kind. And, taking a page from our president-elect, it must be done in a no-drama way. It must done a little at a time.

So, sadly, I was not able to clean up as planned, but being that angry takes a lot out of a person, and I would like to never have to go there again. (My dear old mother, who has this infuriating way of being wise far beyond wise, says that we only get mad when we are wrong. I don't think that is always true, but it is true often enough.) So, I must accept that the clean-up will take longer than I had hoped. Unlike most people we have the space and that is a problem in itself, but I will keep you posted, and for the time being the hall closet did get cleaned, but the boxes and boxes of photos will still have to be sorted. Those will not be tossed.

In the meantime, the garbage cans are full.

Guess What's the Biggest Road block to Cleaning Up?

My husband.

Sixteen Days: DAY 1 of the Great Clean Up

Our school district had originally planned for the teachers to come back on Monday, December 23rd as a work day! Rumor was that the vast majority of teachers would mysteriously be too ill to come in that day. Needless to say, the school board members had an attack of common sense (very rare indeed!) and scrapped that idea. This is the first Christmas Holiday in years where we actually have two FULL weeks off, and that translates into three full weekends: sixteen days off. I have plans!


We have a barn which is guarded by Nora, the cat. (I inherited Nora from my daughter and she loves living in the barn by herself. She doesn't know she is a cat.) I am not exaggerating about Nora 's job. No stray cat would dare come into her domain. Unfortunealetly, our barn has become the receptical of all sorts of old junk. Unlike the rest of country, there are few houses here that have basements and attics, which is where most people send old junk that they plan to sort through someday. I don't plan on doing much sorting. Is that old crappy stuff going to suddenly become collectible, a la' "Cash in the Attic"? I seriouly doubt it. Remember that great line from "The Sound of Music" where the nuns try to give Maria's dress to the poor and poor don't want it. There is nothing out there that anyone would want. If I do find anything worthwhile I promise to take it Goodwill. Having spent my October break cleaning out my folks junk , I would never do that to my own kids. My plan is to throw out everything! Sorting is not even an option.


I also plan on cleaning out the pantry and my junk out of the garage, too. I figured that if I put my intentions out in public I would have to be accountable for my progress. Also though, I am tired of stuff, and lord, I DO NOT want to have to feed and care for, no, actually we have neglected all this junk. There will never be the right time to sort through it.

I will post my progress. This is the best Christmas present I have ever given Gary .... or myself.

Wish me luck!

Parents Who Bully Teachers

(This is Part II of "Parents as Bullies".)



I reported the bully parent to the police because she put my students in danger and frightened them. That was more than crossing the line. The bully parent apparently does not think it was a big deal but my district does (now) and has restricted her movements on campus. She must check into the office (as all parents are required to do) but may not go to any classroom without authorization. I have banned her from my classroom. She still may attend any public functions at the school, but she is on notice that if she decides to push the issues she will banned from the campus permanently.


Also, the district has said that I do not have answer or address any of the issues that are outside the realm of her son's IEP (individual Educational Program as mandated by the government) since we have consistently gone above and beyond for issues of his IEP. This should put an end to the barrage of daily emails and notes.


The bottom line is that this bully parent still does not get it. Undoubtedly she will push some other issue but her credibility is gone. She acknowledged she was extremely angry when she barged into my classroom and was in a rage over something she considered a slight. Originally, I had volunteered to do something on a daily basis for her son which was NOT a part of his IEP. It had not been done the day of her rage because it was raining and I was required to let my students in 25 minutes earlier than usual and I had overlooked it. She took it as a personal affront. What can I say? She was consumed with righteous indignation over something that was being done as a personal favor to her. There is no dealing with people who feel that sense of entitlement. That is pretty much a hallmark of a bully parent.


I still do not know if the police will charge her. She could be charged with a felony. If she is, she could lose her state license in her profession. I saw on line that she has already had complaints filed against her and she has only been in the state less than two years. We had a close family member who was in the same profession for forty years and never had a single complaint.


For any teachers reading this, parents who are bullies cannot be placated. One seemingly harmless, but unreasonable request leads to another and another. The bully parent feeds on the power of making you comply with her wishes. I knew this immediately but was told to go along. It was only a matter of time before this came to a head.


My principal and district have backed me fully, but they did not do so immediately. I made it clear that I was reporting the incident to the police whether they liked it or not. As the incident and the history of the mother's bizarre behavior came to light things changed, and they came around. I feel vindicated now but it was not easy.

Parents as Bullies, Part I

The day before Thanksgiving I had a parent come into my classroom and put my students and me in danger. In fact, according to Arizona state Law, she committed a crime. My students knew something bad was happening and I had seconds, literally, to decide how to react. Most of the kids scattered out of her way knowing the mom has, and will continue to harass anyone who she believes has not complied with her endless demands of entitlement for her challenged child, the poor kid. I chose to not react, thinking that remaining calm would send a message to the students and defuse the parent's furious anger. The mother left, triumphant. SHE had shown me. I acted like nothing happened.


The children in my class are, in fact, very good and kind to this boy and are actually protective of him. They include him in play, even though it is like having a demanding five-year-old involved. This boy really does not know better, but has shown enormous improvement academically and socially. This is the best group of students I have ever had and the only problem I have had was one with this challenged boy. Actually, the problem was with another teacher but I was left holding the “discipline bag”, so to speak. That was where the problems started with mom.



In mainstreaming this boy, his IEP (Individual Educational Plan which is a federal mandate for all special education students) states that if the child breaks school rules the consequences will be the same as other children, that is, detention. Mom disagreed to the point of verbally attacking me and, her usual threat, of calling her lawyer. Deciding that this was not worth the fight I said we would handle it the way she wanted. Her decision? To have him go to detention, which he never actually served. This was where the abuse towards me started.


To make a long story short, an endless stream of demands that were far outside his IEP began, and abusive and accusatory emails began, including things she made up. I was told that nothing really could be done, and to please put up with these things. I agreed as I thought it best for the child. Things escalated until the day before Thanksgiving.



I will spare you the details of the incident, but because no one ended up being physically injured the reaction was, “How can it be abuse if no one was physically harmed?” According to state law the INTENT was there which makes it a crime and since it took place in a classroom, a felony.



This past week there was an episode of Dr. Phil where parents told stories of teachers bullying students. I know that things like that happen. We all do, and it must stop. Interestingly, I was only able to Google two articles that addressed parents bullying teachers. (I guess this will be the third.) Where this woman crossed the line was the danger that she put my students in. I can't even imagine HER reaction had another parent behaved as she did.



In talking with others about this, almost all the teachers I know have been bullied by parents. My sister, who teaches in an expensive private school, says that bullying parents are not that unusual (parents who put teachers and students in physical danger are something that has not happened at her school. Her school seems to believe that isn't abuse, either.) Most teachers tell me that they comply with the demands of bullying parents. I have had only one other parent in 31 years who was a bully (he owned a collection agency so I chalked that up to the normal way he talked with everyone.)



Here is my question to my readers (not to you who DO know the details), what do you think of this? How would you react as a teacher? As a parent? What should be the consequences? I surely do not want to advocate a victim mentality here, but I have a feeling that what took place in my classroom, that is, endangering and reckless behavior, is not that unusual.



What do you think? Please let me know.